Main talk by Lester Crest.
Get hold of a Post OP van fitted with a transponder that can be programmed to disable the Pacific Standard dye packs. You'll have to photograph a few vans in the field to identify the right one.
Bring the transponder to Avi Schwartzman, a signal expert, so he can tune it to the right frequency for the Pacific Standard dye packs. Avi's a fugitive hiding out in North Chumash.
Borrow a hacking rig from a rival high-end heist crew in Vinewood. Take out the guards, swap the setup out of their van and into ours, distract the crew, and bring the van to Paige.
Hijack a Merryweather convoy in Blaine County to get thermal charges to use on the security doors at the Pacific Standard.
Source the the getaway vehicles for the Pacific Standard job. Take four state of the art sports bikes from the Lost Clubhouse in East Los Santos and store them near the bank.
Well, you all look good, hmmm? How do I look? Do I look like a' like a model? Like I work at Peckerwood's? Like a regular dreamboat?
Well' ah whatever. We all love banks, hmm? Especially the' the big ones that take big risks cause they just know that if they went under we'd all be dead. Too big to fail? Great idea! Let's put it to the test, hmm?
Well, this little something I came up with' I like to call it 'Bank Robbing with a Social Agenda', if you will. It's something I tell myself so I can get some sleep at night'
Anyways, those overly leveraged turds at Pacific Standard Bank, they're going to be hit at their flagship branch. How are we going to do that? Well, it's a little complicated, but there are some trucks that I need you to photograph. One of those trucks has a built in transponder, and we need our transponder to blip out a don't explode signal to the dye packs. When we take them out of range of the Pacific Standard signal. Get it?
Alright, don't worry about it, just photograph the trucks and I'll tell you which one to hit. Now, once we've done that, we'll need to have the transponder programmed to Pacific Standard frequency. Now, my signals expert Avi Schwartzman, he's been on the run for years, you know? Avoiding people, holed up somewhere in the middle of nowhere, near North Chumash, you know? You go up there, you make nice and you bring the device back, then I'll brief you on the rest.
What do you say? Oh, not very much I imagine' be good!
Okay, here we go. The transponder is on one of four Post Op Vans making runs around the city. Work in pairs, driver and navigator photographer, and use the Trackify app on your phone to find the vans.
Trackify uses the signal on your phone to tell you when you're going in the direction of a target, but it's not very good in distances. If the two teams communicate, you should be able to locate them quickly, and we can all go back to our clickbait, and tube sites.
When you do finally find a van, send me an image of its license plate. When I've got them all, I'll run the numbers against their databases and tell you which van you need to steal.
That's good, a clear of shot of the plate. Now get me the rest of them. Don't send me shots of your privates, or the sunsets, or your private bits at sunset, I just want shots of license plates. No filters, and definitely not hashtags.
Alright, I got another plate. I still need some more though.
That works. I can see the plate. Now get me the last one
There we go, I've got all four plates now. Hold on while I run the against their database.
Bingo. I found our guy. Lemme ping you the location. Great little app, that Trackify. Hmm? Hmm? If by great I mean barely functional. But we found the vans, so' five star rating! Recommend it to your friends! You should enjoy that version while it's in live. The next update installs micro payments. Nah, it doesn't really, but probably should
So this guy's meeting you off the Western Highway just before Paleto Bay. You got any friends who, like, totally overreact when you say something? Well, my friend Avi's kinda like that. A few years ago, I told him there was a warrant out on him and he goes full hermit - like stealing food from trashcans, talking to the trees, jerking it with squirrels type hermit. I mean...
Okay, ah, slight change of plans. So... It would appear that some of Avi's paranoia might have been somewhat justified. Our call got picked up, they came after him, and he ran. Now he's holed up in a hut on some small island off the coast, surrounded by about twenty government agents. As much as I'd love to hang him out to dry, he's our only shot at this... and well, it's... kinda our fault so... So, I'm sending you to a rental place on Ineseno Road. Pick up some Seasharks and get out to the island.
You got the Seasharks? Get to the island. It's only a matter of time before he does a Butch Cassidy, the nutjob.
You know what would be nice? If the people who could do difficult things weren't difficult people. The bust muscle I ever worked with eats people, the best crew leader couldn't stop lying, best signal guy communes with animals, the best logistics person is so good at logistics she predicts crime for the feds, the rat! And me, I'm the best hacker I know. Me. Sweaty palms, filthy mind, filthier hard-drive - me. What hope do we got? Not much, you know? I just wanna meet someone who can shup up, follow orders, and do a job really well. Is that too much to ask? Screw humanity and its imperfections. When we're all androids and algorithms, we can download a patch for 'em.
Ideally, I'll be able to download the patch onto the problem people having identified their problems. She won't date me, he stole my homework, daddy doesn't love me. But really it's all the same.
Yeah, well. How's your Seashark trip? Enjoying ourselves? Any real sharks out there? That'd be an unfortunate way for this to end.
So, Avi's not going to come out of his hut until the cops are gone. Gone, you understand? You might not want to let 'em know you're there 'til you've got it in hand. Oh yeah, and uh, you need a boat to get him off the island, but i'm guessing the cops won't need their when you're done with them, right?
Avi: OH! N-n-no! Oh! Never should've stuck my head out. It was cool. Don't answer the phone to Lester Crest. Alright, alright. Let's go. Let's get out of here!
You know I said there is a small window, well that window is closing. If you don't get Avi to Paige soon, the transponder's gonna lock, and all this'll be for nothing.
Avi: Lester Crest, you asshole. I know his secrets. I know where the bodies are buried.
You got to drop the heat before you meet Paige.
Avi: Oh, are you a cop?
Paige: I'm not a cop, I'm helping Lester. Have you done it? Has he done it?
Avi: I-I-I I don't have the er, Pacific Standard frequency here. I don't have my tools
Paige: Ain't that convenient? I've got some tools, come on. Lester will meet you back at your place. And don't worry, the transponder will be ready for the job
Ah, good, good, good. Yes, you're doing good. Just er, three more little tasks to perform, and we should be good to go.
First, we're going to need some hacking equipment, the kind that nobody makes, and the sets that are in existence are all traced. So, we'll need to rob it from someone who won't mention that it's gone missing. Bank robbers! These guys... now they've set up a warehouse, behind Vinewood Boulevard, maybe... maybe they're getting some of the, the same ideas we are.
Now I recommend that you get the same van they have and switch out the equipment. And that way when you make the run, they'll go chasing after their own van and then one of you can get away clean with the equipment.
And at the same time we'll need these thermal charges, for the first vault door. Now, Merryweather, with whom I understand you are very, very well acquainted, has regular contract to carry explosives across the city for their mining company. You will attack the convoy on Calafia Bridge. Take the charges from that shipment.
Lastly, we're going to need some bikes, hmm? Fast ones. Really, really fast ones. I have erm... I have sources some very, very, very fast bikes indeed. They're currently being er... borrowed from the manufacturer by a... a group of... bikers that... lives out in er... in Sandy Shores and Alderney and... well, you know, all the corners of the country. They're still living in the past anyway.
Get all that done, and er... we'll be good to go. Okay, bye
Okay, we gonna get this equipment. First up, you gotta collect the van from outside my garment factory.
When you've got the van, I'll come back to you with details on what to do next.
Now, we've got the same remote server set up in the back of this van, the white one, as the other heist crew has in the back of their van, the black one. And all that's missing from ours is their magic box. So, you're going to drive into the alleyway and swap their box into our van. Then the decoys will get in the black van, which is now empty, and drive off, making any heist crew that shows up think they've been robbed. And the drivers lets this heist crew chase the black van, waits until it's clear, and brings the equipment in our white van to Paige.
That complicated enough for you? Hmm? Good.
Okay, now take out the competition.
Alright, they clear? Now for the bait and switch, move the equipment into our van.
Okay, now one of you is taking our van and bringing it to Paige. The rest of you are waiting in the alley, taking anyone who shows up on a wild goose chase in the other van.
Paige: What you got for me? I could use some hardware like this. I'll case it up, get the interface ready. Hey, if I don't see you before the job I should say er... try not to fuck it up, alright?
Ahh. Okay, so we're going for the charges. Head out to Calafia Brige, and I'll come back with a P.O.A.
So, you're gonna run what's known in the "bizz" as a highjacking, because you're... well, you're highjacking the Merryweather convoy. The bridge is nice, tidy place to get it done. Not many places they can go, but plenty of options for you. You can station people at vantage points, block the road, and wait for them to roll into the trap. You can try to take out all the drivers at once. You can concentrate really hard and try to make the truck levitate with your minds. This is San Andreas after all. Do whatever you think will work. But get the truck, and don't let anyone follow it.
You're bringing it to Paige in Grapeseed, so she can dig out the terminal charges. Oh yeah and that reminds me, try not to blow them up. Do not damage that truck at all, okay? I'll be in touch when there is a target about a click out from the bridge.
They're on their way. Roll out some flypapers, start thinking some nasty thoughts and do whatever you're gonna do.
Fucking Merryweather! They must have access to satellite imagery, they know where you are and they're coming.
Paige: You got 'em? Looking good. I'll ditch the truck, you hold onto those.
They're not really known for their love of sports bikes, I know, but the lost Motorcycle Club has the ones you're after at their East LS Clubhouse.
Now, you almost there? You're after the sports bikes, not the choppers. The choppers won't be fast enough to get you away from the cops, and if they were, they wouldn't be able to turn a corner. These bikes use a kinetic energy recover system, they store energy you use braking to accelerate later on. You'll burn the cops, and save the environment while you're at it. Okay, as always, don't let them know you're breaking in until you want them to know you're breaking in.
There's a bike each. We need all four for the job.
When you got 'em, stash them in the alley for the job.
Sounds like the Lost are mobilising their troops. A wrecked bike is no good to us, people. Stay out in front of them.
I think you are in the clear. Drop the bikes in the alley, and we are nearly a go.
Okay, okay, okay, so... are you ready? This should be er, pretty easy. I've kept it simple since you all seem er... pretty simple.
In a good way... in a... good way, in a good er... straight ahead er... low IQ kinda, oh... no that's too- no Lester, stop it. Stop it! It's the new meds...
Okay, armed robbery, here we go. Woo, here it is, keep it simple. You go in heavy, you go in well-armed. Some of you will do crowd control. The vault team, you will go downstairs, blow the first vault door with the thermal charges, then use the card to get into the network and open the second vault door. And then look out, because you'll have about two minutes before every cop in town is waiting for you outside the bank. So you move fast, you get on the bikes, you split and we meet at the rendezvous point, okay?
Good luck people, nothing can go wrong. It's er... all good... I'm all good...
Alright. Here we go - the one we've all been waiting for. Alright, put your masks on when you get in the bank. Then, crowd control, you're on... well, crowd control. Get in their faces, shout at them, shoot near them if you have to. Try not to kill them, mind you. That wouldn't be cool. Demolitions, hacker, your first job's to subdue the guards. Again, try and do it without killing them. When that's done, go downstairs, and hit the vault. I've given you special carbines with suppressors - use them wisely. Like I said, this is a big deal, people, don't fuck it up.
Go. Go. We need crowd control managing hostages; demolitions and hacker, putting down guards. Again, try not to kill the hostages. If this goes to shit, we'll need collateral.
The guards are down? Okay, demolitions, blow the first gate. Charges are on a timer, keep that in mind.
Remember, the gates you're going through are a special alloy, only the thermal charges you got from the convoy will work on them.
Stay in control. If they think you're weak, they might try something.
Demolitions is through the first gate. Crowd control, get behind there and get your guns on the tellers. Now, there's a second gate that'll get you access to the lower level. Blow it.
Let the hostages know what happens to heroes, yeah? This ain't the movies.
If you don't control the crowd, or you have to pop someone, this thing's gonna get a whole lot more difficult.
Hacker, you're up. We've repackaged that other crew's hardware. Plug it into the access panel and get into the bank network. Click My Computer, and access the External Device. The program will expose each character of the passwords as it tries different encryptions.
That's it. The vault door is opening.
Demolitions, use the remaining thermal explosives on the titanium gates in the vault.
You were warned about the hostages, weren't you? How many times do I have to say something?
Boom! You're in. Get all the cash you can carry. Hahaha! Hahahahaha....
Okay. Now, regroup back on the main floor.
The cops have cleared all the vehicles near the bank, you're making a run for those bikes. I'll take you on the best route, trying to keep you away from as many cops as I can.
I need you to stay together. Come out of the bank, take a left down Vinewood Boulevard, and duck down the alley to the right.
Come on. Move.
If you let the cops hit you, you're going to lose cash. That's coming out of your cut, not mine.
Keep going down the alley.
Now, further down the hill, take a right.
Alright, now you're going across the road to the next alley.
Now, make a play for the bikes. They're up ahead, where you stashed them behind that apartment building. We've left some armour by the bikes if you need it. Grab and go, people. Grabd and go.
Use the bikes to get away from the cops, and to get upstate. We've left a dinghy at Raton Canyon - that's your exit plan. There's a route coming to your GPS now.
It'll take you off road, away from the cops and towards our boat. Stay together or go a different way if you want, but will be the safest route.
Remember, the bikes have KERS (Kinetic energy recovery system).. They store up energy to accelerate when you brake. Should help put some road between you and those red and blues. Come on. Move!
Don't look back, just go. There's nothing good behind you. You get away from the city, you get away from the cops.
Right about now, the CEO of Pac Standard is calling the Mayor, he's probably patched in the chair of the Union Depository, and they're all about to tear the ass out of the Chief of Police. Cops on the street will be highly motivated to bring you down. But you don't need to worry about that, just get to Raton Canyon, I got a plan.
So, uhh, have any dye packs gone off in the bags? You'd know 'cause you'd be covered in paint. No? That means the transponder's worked. Thank you, Avi Schwartzman.
You know when you'll have lots of time? When you're put in jail for robbing a bank, and putting down a load of cops. You don't have time right now. Get out of there as quick as you can.
Keep going. Keep going. Don't worry about the cops, worry about getting to the canyon.
Okay, you're coming into Chilliad State Park, we're almost out of this. Almost. Keep following your GPS, it'll take you through the forest, around the hills, toward the canyon.
Now, this next bit is gonna sound crazy, but crazy's what gets you outta trouble. You're coming up to a rickety old bridge, cross it, aim for the cliff, and drive right off. Then pull your parachute and get in the boat we've left for you in the river. That's your way out. Come to think of it, a KERS boost just before you jump might be the best way to get away from the cliff.
Soon as you're airborne, ditch your bikes, and start gliding. That's easy, right. Coming from a guy who walks with a cane.
You see the boat in the creek? That's where you're aiming.
Wait 'til the whole team is in the boat then head out into the ocean.
There's a lot of confused voices coming out my police scanner right now. You know what, I might just have pulled this off. Maybe I am a genius after all.
Oh, my friends! We did it! Well, you did it. I know I didn't do that much but you, you, oh... you!
You know, I thought you were just a bunch of er... creepy, quiet weirdos. Turns out, you're a bunch of creepy, quiet weirdos with talent! You rob and you steal and destroy like... like geniuses!
Oh, I love it. I love it. Here, let me er, wire you your money. You know, I will never forget the good times, you know, all the laughs we had. You're like family. The picnic? The picnic! And the hike in the woods and all the selfies, and oh, and the time we went rollerblading and we, we watched the, the sun set and then w-we stayed up all night talking and sharing our inner most fears and... and then...
What? Was that... that wasn't you? Even t-the skinny dipping and the... oh, oh... What are you saying? I er... the drugs, oh man, the drugs. I'm a, I am a heavily medicated man, I er... I'm not well... at all, I er... I'm a little embarrassed, erm... Okay, the money!
Here and here, and... here, and... here. Okay, you better take off, and er... take care, okay?
Bye-bye.
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